And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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