Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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