got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
