Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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