is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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