I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
