Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
