I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
