Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
