I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
