Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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