did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018