She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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