I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.