Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.