Im at strip club and am horny
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver