dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.