I'm jealous of your bromance
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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