It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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