a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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