Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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