what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
