he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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