Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
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