walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
