I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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