and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
