I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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