Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
