If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
