babies were throwing up all over the place
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's like iHOP with fire
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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