And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
