so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Vodka?
Forever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
