my vag is so smooth its legendary
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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