Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
