i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
