he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
