Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
