I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
So squirting runs in the family.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
