look no pants
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize