She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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