eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
