Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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