Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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