every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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