my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This is my gift to your gina
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
