I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
