I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
