I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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