Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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