ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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