I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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