Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
