highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
