Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
