he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
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You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
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I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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