Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just cut my nipple shaving
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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