im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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