you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
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