There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love having hate sex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
