My room smells like vodka and shame
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
