Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
