Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.