You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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