Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns