Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.