So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
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im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.