So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down