K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
