my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.