He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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