Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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