i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
