I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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