I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
