I think im going to throw up on grandma
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
