im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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