I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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