Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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