I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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