Betty ford says i'm here all night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
