Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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