I didn't shave. On purpose
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
True college students do jello shots in the library
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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