I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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