literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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