Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
