What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
